The Worst Day of My Life
“This happened to your son because he has cancer. He has a cluster of tumours in the area.”
The rest of the world dropped away as I held my son’s hand while the doctor delivered the devastating news. I had never felt a grief so sudden and overwhelming… and somehow, I managed to keep my composure and started asking the doctor questions. “How many tumours? What type of cancer do you suspect?”
Only two days prior, my twenty-two year old son, Aidan, was out with work colleagues at a belated staff Christmas party. While in a local pub, he suddenly collapsed. Two coworkers carried him outside and he was taken to A&E. It was there Aidan underwent a series of scans— X-ray, MRI and CT imaging. To his surprise and ours, he had a complete fracture of his hip. The neck of his femur was broken and he would require hip surgery.
Knowing what I do about the human body, I knew immediately that this type of fracture, especially at a younger age, is usually due to an acute injury, like a car accident or traumatic fall. My husband and I returned to the hospital the next day after a doctor requested our presence. We thought we were going in to review Aidan’s surgery options— a partial or full hip replacement. It was then I asked the doctor how this type of fracture could happen to a healthy, active young man. We initially thought perhaps Aidan had a rare early-onset of osteopenia or osteoporosis— never did we suspect what we heard next.
Aidan’s fracture happened because he had a tumour within the neck of the femur, the strongest bone in the human body. We were also told there are four more tumours, located in his pelvis and spine. Processing this information felt impossible. The instant, deep grief rose in me as I pivoted away from those feelings and immediately started asking the doctor questions— questions he couldn’t answer at the time. Aidan would require more testing, however, they suspected he had a form of blood cancer.
The next twenty-four hours were the most brutal of my life. I rang family members and friends, updating them on Aidan’s situation and the shocking news. I consoled my husband, told our next-eldest children (ages 14 and 10) and tried to stop the racing thoughts in my mind.
The first place my mind went was death. We are going to lose Aidan. This is going to take him. I started thinking about his life— all of the memories and the important people who supported him and our family. I thought about his funeral and what I would write for his eulogy, who would be there and what music would be played. I started questioning mistakes I’d made in the past, people I had wronged and anything Aidan might have done to deserve such a diagnosis. I looked back at the foods we ate, how I tried to remove many chemicals in our home, the safe(r), non-toxic cookware we used and tried to connect the dots on how this could happen.
And what I have learned is this: cancer is not a punishment. There is nothing Aidan or I have done in our lives to “deserve” this. I refuse to believe anyone, even those who have done horrible things, deserves the level of suffering that cancer often brings. Upon review of our life choices— there isn’t one thing that has caused cancer for Aidan. It is an accumulation of things. We would love to know when the cancer started, what exactly triggered it, etc. but the reality is we have to accept that we will never have all the answers. And we need to learn to live with that.
To date Aidan has had a partial hip replacement, blood tests and a bone biopsy to determine the type of cancer that is present. We are awaiting these results. We are supporting him in nourishing his body, recovery from his surgery and helping him learn about all of his treatment options so he can choose the path that feels best for him.
If you would like to support Aidan and our family during this time, please see our support page here. We will be sharing more information about his journey.
Thank you to everyone who has already supported us x
Aidan getting some much-needed fresh air for the first time after being in the hospital for 11 days